those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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