oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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