please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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