It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I supernannyed him into submission
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
