Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
