Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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