dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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