In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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