We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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