and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
