Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I am mentally ready for anal.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
