I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
