My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
