I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
