Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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