First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i think im in europe. pls send help
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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