So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
