I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
