she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
