Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
