if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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