She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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