Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize