After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
