She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i think my cat just said my name.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
