Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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