why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
