I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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