it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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