My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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