It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
