that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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