Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
