can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
