The maid of honor just puked.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
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