If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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