SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
