My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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