You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
