The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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