don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
