I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
