i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
