I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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