shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
