she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
