I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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