Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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