Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
