if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
