Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
