it's not cheating when I paid for it
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
