help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
