Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize