It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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