so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize