Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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