I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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