We're like a lot better than the average bears
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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