I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
