we're making bets on your personal life
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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