Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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