okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
