did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
