I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
