Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize