Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
