I accidentally had phone sex last night
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
