I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
