Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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