Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
