Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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