recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
