My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
