I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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