Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
