The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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