Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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