you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
