I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
