are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
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