I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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