38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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