my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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