Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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