Say something about gay babies.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
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