I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
