Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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