so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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