apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
