I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
