I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
whose ass print is on the piano?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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