I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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