I think im going to throw up on grandma
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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