i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
