i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
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