I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
