Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
