I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
