I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
