just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
